Von Rania

Me and Germany we share a beautiful story. For some reasons I kept dreaming of coming here since I was a little child.

I always knew that I will end up living there despite the fact that this dream seems unrealistic for a girl like me whose parents were not rich at all to afford it and her society will have difficulties to accept it.

This dream stuck in my head and kept growing bigger and bigger with time. I remember when I entered the Higher Institute of Dramatic Arts in Damascus and I started learning German because I wanted to read the German literature in its original language. I kept telling everyone that after graduation I am travelling to Germany to continue my study… I said it as a fact with no doubts although I have no grounded base for such a dream to come true.

But then a miracle had happened and I received a scholarship from DAAD for a German course in Heinrich Heine University in Düsseldorf. I still remember what I felt when I took my first step out of the airport. I went out to the street, put my luggage on the ground, took a breath and said to myself I belong here. I really felt so…

How could you say you belong to somewhere when you literally just arrived? The answer is Magic…

I lived there for 40 days. I can recall my memories now day by day. Once I took a walk in the forest with a friend of mine. The nature is so beautiful. I stopped and I told her: This is heaven! She was surprised and she didn’t really understand what I meant by that. I had to explain that for me coming from the background of a damascene family which was half open-minded half traditional, I still had the question of Hell and Heaven in the back of my head. I wonder if there is ever heaven and hell then what is heaven if not this???

I lived those days knowing that this is probably the first and last time I will ever be in Germany. I lived to the max… I enjoyed the beautiful nature, my freedom and the openness of the society. I used to tease my mother in Damascus by sending her SMSs telling her that it is 3:00 am and I am still out.

I was teasing her because she used to call me and my brother every night precisely at 22:00 asking us to come home. My parents could never sleep if weren’t not home yet. (That was funny but a lovely routine. I miss it now.)

Many years later, last week I was roaming the streets of Munich. I was observing my reflection on the shop windows when I suddenly realized that I am living my dream…  After all that long time that big dream is my reality now. I am in Munich, I have a ceiling above my head, soon I will start working and yes the dream has become true.

I am extremely happy about it. This is something big and I am proud of what I have achieved so far. But something is missing; unfortunately this happiness is not complete. If only there was no war in my country and I have the possibility to go there every summer to visit my family it would be just perfect. But I also know you will never get everything you wish for in this life. There will always be something missing. And even if we call what happened ‘’MAGIC’’ we all know that magic comes with a price.

Von Messages of Refugees am 29. Januar 2016 um 5:26 Uhr